It’s another morning at 6 a.m. and as much as I wanted to see the sunrise, I could definitely have slept a bit longer. Funny thing. Isaac asked me last night if I was going to get up at 6, too. When I told him I thought it’d be pretty wretched of me to make the kids get up while I slept another hour, he replied with a wry smile, “I would.” “That’s why you’ll never be running YouthInkwell,” I sassed back. “Probably a good idea” were his final words as he headed jauntily off to bed. What’s funny is that I don’t agree with him.
So here I am now on the patio of the lodge looking out at the sun rising over God’s Mountain. “Bet ya never thought you’d say that,” said Matthew who’s arisen for the early morning call of interviews. He’s right. How often in life do we have the chance…
Although it’s only been three days so far, I’m feeling a bit of the fatigue. I awoke this morning feeling overwhelmed at the thought of another ten days. I can’t imagine how the kids must feel – although I imagine they probably haven’t paused long enough to think about it. Right now, Yuko is sitting in an interview explaining the difference between borehole wells and shallow wells. Surreal.
For me personally, I am finding it easier to get through hours at a time not thinking about the things that plagued me back home. The worries, the concerns, the fears about surviving in this economic climate creep into my mind only occasionally here, and when they do, I begin to strategize for a moment or two – only to come back to the ever obvious – their isn’t a dag-gone thing I can do about here. And so, I let it go.
When we speak of personal growth, I know I have far to go. Too many hours of too many days are lost to the inconsequential – inconsequential when put in the perspective of true need. That doesn’t mean landlords don’t need rent and basic day-to-day tasks no longer need to be completed, but perhaps I have reached a place in my adult life when I can embrace the kind of simplification that will make the day to day easier.
There have been many who have watched my seven-day work schedule and wondered how long I can keep it up. I supposed if I weren’t so arrogant, I would have taken time long before now to wonder it, too. Perhaps I wouldn’t have allowed myself to get so tired. Now, though, being here… I don’t know… to say I’m reenergized would be a misrepresentation – suggesting I’m ready to go home and get right back to what I’ve been doing all along. I think I’m growing more focused, perhaps an inch a day. And if I’m lucky, I will have a grown just enough to come home better, a better person, a better teacher, a better manager of time and resources. Just better.
I would really like that.
